VintageIndigo

“Life has a funny way in teaching and helping you out when everything’s gone wrong and everything blows up in your face. It’s all about timing and I trust the process to move on.”

I looked at myself in the mirror and said something to myself. Having had a tough life and been learning how cruel people and life can be, I’ve taught myself to have a strong back bone. Nobody taught me where to turn. I wandered around with my eyes blindfolded against the world with nothing and no one but my knowledge, conscience, and the beacon to be my guide. Discontent might get the better of me and I would get lost in my thought, but the illumination of my failures on my personal quest is exhilarating. I’ve fallen over and over again. 

Here I am. Standing still. On my own. 

I have looked at myself in the mirror and knew what I did not learn. I have made my choices and took the responsibility. I refuse the short cut in life and accept life as it is. I do not hurt people to get what I want, so don’t you dare doubting my sincerity. All I have are patience and strength I’ve grown within. That strong back bone others cannot see when they see my vulnerable emotion and my fragile body. Judge me. Judge me all you want. Raise your voice. Mock me. Shoot me down. Throw everything at me to put me down. Go disrespect and underestimate me when I’m down there in pitch black hole. I will fall but this heart is made of steel. It won’t take long until it beckons to me that you are not my kindred spirits. I am hard and stubborn at times. Life teaches me to be tough and that what makes me who I am and what I am. 

I have looked at myself in the mirror and it’s getting clearer. I’ve been up and down, praised and mocked, accepted and rejected in life. But no I won’t give up. I persevere in order to survive. Determination is what I have. Hope and faith are the drive that keep me moving. I have a plan and no it’s not too late. It’s never too late. I will write from scratch again, from nothing to something.  Just like I did. I know I will fail in my journey but I am not a failure. I have made mistakes and I will keep making mistakes. I will regret those times but I will rise wiser than before. I have learned and I will keep learning. I will go back up again. 

On my own. Always has been, always will be. 

I will see other things and find the beauty in life that I have not seen. I will take what life gives me and I promise that I will learn. I will keep doing my passion to write and wait for that time to come again. I will take this moment and keep it as my memoir. I am not embarrassed of who I was or who I am, for I know that life is round. I will go through transitions and I will keep changing. I have to keep moving and keep going. So, I’m taking take these baby steps and I know I will be home again. I will sing my melody with my kindred souls and break the ties with those who are not. The day of reckoning.

Don’t look down on me because you cannot see. Don’t judge me because I do not tell. Don’t tell me it’s not enough for you might not understand. I have seen the beauty in life and felt the darkness of it. Yet, I am still waiting here patiently for that day to come again.